“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra

So, after my last post, I thought for sure I would write about the obvious...November.  But, I think I will come back to the present, in hopes that this anxiety that fills me daily will either subside or be a little more bearable.  I haven't been blogging for many reasons.  One is that I just don't feel like I have much to blog about - living in Mexico City, although interesting, I'm sure everyone would get tired of me complaining about the drivers & traffic.  Two is that time is limited - working full time, going to school and still trying to be Mom, yeah, well...blogs definitely take a back seat (although I should be doing a final paper right now) I figured maybe this will help me get my writing juices flowing.  Third reason is that so many times, I feel like people are judging the life I live with my family.  I know, that should NOT be a reason, but man, you can only hear so many times, "I would never have moved out of the United States." "I can't believe you would take your children to another country."  "You are a better wife than me, because I would never follow my husband 1/2 way around the world."  Well, I did and I am.  And, although at times it's not fun or easy, we have almost made it.  We have about six more months of this crazy life left.  I am excited, scared, anxious, and a million other feelings.  Sure, I have lost some friends while on the program.  I was devastated at first, but life goes on.  People truly don't understand.  I have friends who have the option to do a 3 year tour as a family, or a 1 year tour unaccompanied.  They opt for the 1 year.  That is their decision - it's just not our decision. (Although this program unaccompanied wasn't an option unless you end up in an unaccompanied post - which isn't common.)  We've lived for 3 years, as a family, in foreign countries, away from friends and family, and although at times it was a fairy tale, other times, it was devastating.  I do have to say, if anything, this program as proven who is here and supporting us and loving us unconditionally.  It has given us friends that are family.  I guess this brings me to the reason for my post:

Change is a brewing in The Macy home, and although we aren't in the "packing and moving" chaos, we are in the chaos of the unknown.  Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy and excited about it, but boy, it brings on some serious anxiety.  I wake up with this tightness in my chest, I go to sleep with the same tightness.  We have under six months left here and life as we know it is going to change - drastically.  Back in December, Brian (and I) decided that he would not reenlist.  (Crazy, right?!) Anyways, right now we have a plan in place with other options brewing.  Hopefully, the moon and the stars align or whatever people say and the plan becomes a reality.  Hopefully, we will know more by the end of March.  But, the plan that has been in place for a while now will be taking us to the East Coast - probably VA.  How exciting, huh?  This California girl is bummed the ocean won't be in my backyard anymore, but looking forward to all of the great places to see on the East Coast and being close to family there.  We've been talking a lot lately about how weird it is going to be to live in the States again.  (Side note:  My babies refer to the U.S. as America when talking about home, Brian and I refer to it as The States.)  We are finally going to get our things and live in our house.  Kids are going to go to a school that they aren't going to have to leave in 18 months.  We are actually going to plant roots after yanking them out two and a half years ago.  I can't wait!  But, until then, I think that little things are going to really stress me out.  For example, today, I walked into the maids quarters and there are boxes EVERYWHERE!  I almost started crying.  Not because there are boxes everywhere, but because it just seemed so . . . claustraphobic.  Trying to get to things - impossible.  I feel like I am on the edge of tears all of the time.  I just hope it's not like this for the rest of the time I am here.  

Brian is heading to DC/VA area in a couple of weeks and I am trying to decide if I head that way with him.  So many pros & cons.  I just can't imagine going and leaving my babies in another country - even though there are very capable people here to care for them.  But, do I go now and Brian and I can search out different areas we like and focus on those areas in our housing search or do I wait and see what happens with the different jobs in the works and then go.  Decisions, decisions.  I've already sat down and talked to the kids about it and they are like, "Go, Mom!"  If only it were that easy.  If only I was a millionaire and could take them with me.  I mean, it is a 4 day weekend from school for them.  But trying to justify spending almost $1900-$2000 for the 3 of us to fly (Brian's is covered) is hard - especially when we are saving, saving, saving for other things that will need to be purchased when we move.

So, whatever...I don't know what else to say about all of my arguments in my mind right now, so let's move on to some more fun and lighter things that I am sure is the reason my family reads this.

On a lighter note, Kyleigh had her first basketball game on Saturday!  She seemed to enjoy it.  She did travel a couple of times, but nothing that we can't work on.

Christopher spent the week at camp.  We sent him with a camera, but there were no pictures taken - boys!  But, Brian took this one on the drive home from the school.  This is what my son buys on trip:

Other than that we had a great weekend.  Spent it with friends on Friday night, Six Flags on Saturday followed by a late dinner and then spent today just hanging out.  Had lunch with friends and then came home and took a nap.  Tomorrow is going to start another busy week, but hopefully it will go by fast.