The Visitor (a vent, a rant)

*Warning:  This blog is more of a vent/rant.  I don't feel like my blog should be private, so instead of just "sucking it up", I've decided to get my feelings out.  Now, don't think I've been worried about this for the past 2-3 months, because I definitely haven't.  I just don't think it's fair to keep my blog private because of one individual.  So...


So, most of you know by now that I had set my blog to private.  But, why should I have to do that because of one person's selfish, narcissistic personality.  I won't use real names, but this person was able to give their side of the story via hurtful e-mails and phone calls, so why can't I give my side of the story?

We had some visitors in the Spring.  Three different "sets" to be exact.  Two of those were fun and relaxing and well, can't wait to have them visit us at our next post.  The final visitor, I thought was going well.  I was excited that we finally, after many years, reached a "turning point" in our relationship.  All of this, ended up slapping Brian and I in the face.  Luckily, we didn't find out the things that were being said until the day our visitor left.  I received a call that asked about the visit, and I had said it went great.  The caller, then said I should check visitor's comments on Facebook.  Of course, immediately I checked to find that the visitor had called family members and said I was "lazy" and that the visitor wasn't having any fun.   I responded, my Aunt responded and Brian responded.  What is funny is that all of those were deleted off of the visitors Facebook, but the comments that said hurtful things about me, weren't.  Well, once I saw the FB, I went into e-mail the visitor and the visitor had left their e-mail up on our computer.  The e-mails were rather interesting.  Multiple e-mails stated that all I did was sleep all day and that our children were misbehaved, etc.  Their were e-mails stating that the visitor was secretly checking Brian's and my facebook to check up on another family member who has also chosen to end the relationship with the visitor.  I found that the visitor continued saying to multiple people that I was lazy, I slept all day and was on the computer for hours on end.  What the visitor failed to mention, is that I was up until 1 or 2 am every night and that the reason I was on the computer was that I was studying for finals.  Multiple times I had the conversation with our visitor about how in this one particular class, no matter what I did, I could not get a perfect score.  Visitors comment to me, was not to worry because in the end, people don't look at individual grades but for a degree.  What the visitor didn't say is that I was having problems with my Thyroid.  That I had to have my levels checked because when my Thyroid isn't functioning properly all I want to do is sleep.  What the visitor didn't say is that Brian and I paid for every.single.thing. while the visitor was here.  Oh, excuse me, in Visitor's defense, visitor paid for a train ride and lunch for the two of us (visitor and myself), about 80 euro.  Visitor complained that we only offered 3 glasses of wine the entire visit.  Well, I'm sorry, but if you are going to stay in someones house for almost three weeks, you should be able to get up and open your own stinkin' bottle of wine.  We had another visitor who isn't even family, but has been friends with another visitor for going on 30-35 years.  When this visitor wanted a glass of wine, they opened a bottle. When this visitor wanted something to eat, they helped themselves.  And when these visitors wanted to go somewhere, they went.  I gave them instructions/directions, whatever and they went to the train station and went.  The very first visitors did the same thing.  When they wanted to visit somewhere, they hopped on a train and went.  When they wanted a glass of wine, they got up and opened a bottle of wine.

The kicker about the visitor is that the visitor said I wrote these things in the e-mails about myself.  That I e-mailed visitor's friends and family, and said mean, hurtful things about myself.  That I shouldn't have read those e-mails, even though the visitor left them up on our computer.  The visitor admitted that they were "sneaking into our Facebook".  I didn't "sneak" into the visitors e-mail...it was left on the computer.

A few weeks ago, I found out, through the help of someone close to me that this is nothing new.  Whenever something happens (good or bad), it's always...always...always, a reflection of what this visitor has done and how it effects them.  If someone is going "through" something, it's never about that person, it's about how it effects the visitor and if the visitor has to take time off of work, if the visitor was the one that was always there.  And, it's used to hold over someones head.  The visitor has repeatedly made others feel "not good enough".  And, let me tell you, I think visitor is the one who isn't good enough.

We have decided to "fix" the situation by not having any type of contact with the visitor.  The good thing is, the kids don't ask about the visitor.  If they do, I will allow them to make a phone call if they want.  If the visitor calls, I will allow the visitor to talk to the kids.  I have nothing to say to the visitor, and neither does Brian.  I will not take away the visitors right to have a conversation with the kids, but myself or Brian will be monitoring phone calls, e-mails, etc.  It sucks that we have to do this.  It sucks that we have to worry about the kids being "brainwashed" the way the visitor has done to others, but we must do what is right for our kids.  I know Brian and I are not alone in this thinking and that others who are associated with the visitor do the same thing.  And, I think our life has been much more pleasant and other relationships have grown.  So, of course, good does come out of evil.

I still hold out hope that the visitor will change.  I still hold out hope that the visitor will take responsibility for their actions.  I still hold out hope that someday we can again have a relationship, but until then, my heart will ache for my loved ones who can't have what they deserve.  A visitor who loves them unconditionally, without restraint.  A visitor who would drop anything and everything to be there for them, without the thought of "what's in it for me" or "how does it effect me".